My on again off again friend

I saw her yesterday, my on again off again friend. She invited me over and we spent a couple of hours together. We ate and talked for a bit then we went to see her boyfriend and one of my estranged friends play soccer. It felt awkward but not terribly awkward, I suppose the best word to describe the whole event was sterile. I'm not sure why it felt that way. I felt withdrawn from here, like I could no longer be myself. I sat across the room from her most of the time when we were alone, and at the soccer game we could both be distracted... we did not have to look at each other. We did not have to speak to each other about matters of consequence,